On Facebook the subject of writer/author jealousy came up. Some people were saying how they couldn’t let go of the green-eyed monster. They just couldn’t stop fixating on other authors and what they were accomplishing.
I think we all know that jealousy is the doorway to self-destruction. It’s a human trait we all experience but it can be incredibly damaging to one’s self if they allow jealousy to overtake them.
I remember what it was like to be unpublished and let me tell you newbies something, writer jealousy does not stop when you have a contract. Oh no. Even published authors are jealous of each other sometimes. There’s always someone you feel gets the better deals, the bigger advances, more acclaim. So don’t think that you can escape the demon once you release a book. No. It’s about getting your head straight. That’s where it starts.
You wanna put that energy into bettering your own writing so that one day you’re so super that you’re the recipient of one’s jealousy, not the jealous person. It’s not always easy to face being jealousy. It makes you feel even more inadequate.
You have to work at it and change how you approach yourself and your goals.
I’ve outlined some steps to help you go from being jealous to having superstar confidence.
Stop Watching other Writers:
Stop paying so much attention to other writers’ business. What another writer accomplishes or does has nothing to do with you or your career. Their book deals, their publishing company, their advance is none of your business! Concentrate on your work and being the best you can be and you won’t have time to “hate on” someone else.
Reevaluate Your Expectations:
Yep that’s right. Writing is not the type of career where having high expectations helps. If your expectations are too high you can end up losing your drive because most writers cannot live up to their unbelievable expectations. When things go wrong it’s natural to believe we’ve failed and that feeling of inadequacy opens the door to jealousy simply because someone else’s career seems to be going perfectly and yours is stagnant. Writers should have goals of course but if your expectations exceed the normal realm of possibility you’re setting yourself up for developing career jealousy when things don’t turn out as you expect. And most times they won’t.
Figure out Why You’re Jealous:
The misconception is that jealousy means we wanna be someone else or have their lives. Jealousy stems from us being depressed and unhappy about ourselves. A lot of jealous writers have things going wrong in their lives that have nothing to do with writing but the jealousy might be leveled to someone in our field because that’s who we’re around the most. If you’re unhappy, try to figure out why. Left ignored, depression can cause jealousy among other destructive thoughts to fester.
Write:
Maybe you just aren’t busy enough. If you’re sitting there worrying about other writers then you should take that wasted energy and write your book! Poor the emotions you feel in your writing. Turn it from negative energy to a positive result. Sometimes writers are just lazy. They want the rewards but don’t want to put in the work then wonder why things might be going better for others. The only way to stop being jealous is to accomplish something of your own and that starts with writing.
Separate Yourself from Other Writers:
Sometimes you can’t fight jealousy no matter what you do. Separate yourself from other writers if you can’t escape their “good” news. Some days it’s like you get online and everything is going great for every writer except you. When things aren’t going as well for you then hearing loads of good news at every turn can be very depressing. Step back for a while. Stop going to writing forums, Facebook writing groups or anywhere that makes you uncomfortable for a while. You’ll come back with a better out look and realize that another writer’s success does not affect yours.
Stacy-Deanne
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Stacy,
Excellent!!
Stacy-Deanne, this is a down right excellent article. I truly hope every author, heck everyonoe who reads it hits that share button because you said what needed to be said. THANK YOU
Very well stated and clearly one of those “behind the scenes” ways of thinking that can not only damage a writing career but the soul! Thank you for putting it out there!
Carol
Love this Stacy! You couldn’t have written a more perfect article on this subject. Thanks for giving solid guidance to those that let envy prevail. Limiting your writer friend circle is a wise suggestion as well. Bravo!
I loved this. It should be pasted on billboards!
LOL! Thanks, everyone!
Everyone feels jealous from time to time about different things, and recognizing our faults as well as our strengths is part of the human experience. The biggest thing a person can do is own it, take a look where it’s coming from, and then either let it go or find a peaceful way to resolve it without hurting yourself or anyone. Being in the entertainment business, I’ve long since worked out my professional jealousy issues. I think one of the best relationship experiences I ever had came from a fellow singer. We were hanging out one night and I found myself alone with her and realized she really was a cool person just trying to make her way like the rest of us. So I admitted to her that I had been jealous of the fact that the producer we worked with wanted to do an album on her and was pumping her up, but not me. I told her I was sorry I had felt that way. She hugged me and said that I was a “for real” person because no one would ever admit to such a thing. We wound up being really good friends for a long time after that, and she helped me through a very difficult time. Sometimes negativity can be used to bring people together.
I need a like button for these. Y’all are hitting it out of the ballpark Chaeya
Stacy-Deanne, this post was on point. People only see the glory, but don’t know what goes on behind the story…so they may be jealous of what they see, but don’t know the long hours and hardwork it took to get to that level. They don’t see the daily frustrations, etc. If a person is too busy doing their own thing, they won’t have time to be jealous of what someone else is doing.
Tell ’em Shelia.
Wonderfully put, Sheila!
I think a lot of jealousy is due to folks being too busy looking at others and not focusing enough on making themselves the best they can. If you are busy doing you, you won’t have time to worry about what someone else is doing. Being jealous only hurts the person who is jealous. Turn that negative into a positive and put that energy into making you a better person and a better writer. Success is also different things to different people so folks shouldn’t measure their own success by the success of others.
Very well put. You are on a ROLL today
Actually, the jealousy issue can go a lot deeper. You can have two writers, both work hard at what they’re doing, both promote themselves, they are both skilled writers, but one of them seems to attract more readers than the other. They have an idyllic lifestyle that allows them to write full time, while the other has to work a full time job and get stories out when they can. It’s just how it is and we just have to learn to live with it. Some of us just have to work harder at things than others. But situations are rarely what they seem. Life lessons are tough because Spirit doesn’t care about our material dreams, the path of True Self wants us to understand deeper issues, such as this. Can we still stay in a state of contentment and happiness, and can we focus on our art, despite seeing others reap rewards that we cannot or will not? Can we stay silent and allow another to have their glory, even though we may have suffered just as much or far more than they? Can you disentangle yourself from your emotions to simply keep doing what you do, even if you know that you may never receive any recognition for it, yet others will? For me, writing is a very deep and spiritual occurrence, regardless of what stories come from it. When I first embarked on this journey I had to face myself and acknowledge that I may never make money from it, that I’ll once again be faced with situations just as with music where others will excel whereas I may not. That I can live with the fact that people may not see what I do when I write, and that I may not become very popular. Then there’s the question: “would you still do it?” My answer is: yes. When a writer shifts focus to writing and only that, then joy is achieved, and while it does get frustrating sometimes, just like a bad storm, you’re able to brave through it and keep going. And that’s one path through the green jungle of jealousy.
This article was VERY interesting. I knew that Jealousy existed but i didn’t realize how common jealousy was in the literary game. One thing that I do an author is remain humber through every situation. Sure someone may have won awards and I haven’t but there will be more awards. Im learning not to worry about things that are out of my control. Great Article!
Great attitude, Krystol! Thanks for dropping in!
Excellent commentary, Stacy. What other writers don’t factor in is what the authors go through to get where they are and they don’t understand the blood, sweat, years and tears behind it all and what needs to be done to maintain it. TRUST ME, I KNOW. You’re right, minding our own business is the key to being happy with ourselves as authors and as human beings.
Bottom line: What God has for you, He has for YOU. Period.
Great advice, Stacy. I know writers who obsess about the success of others and expend great amounts of energy bemoaning the fact that their own success is not measuring up. I have always told beginning writers to focus that energy on their writing, and not on what is going on with other writers.
Thanks for dropping by, Elissa! You are so right and that’s the point a lot don’t get. Whatever is in store for you is gonna happen regardless. So it’s best to be positive and work hard to get yourself to your destiny.
Maryann, so true! Thanks for coming in!
Bravo!!!
I’m not a writer but I am a fan of so many greats. Stacy you happen to be one of them. I think you are super smart and wise beyond your years. I read my first book by a very talented writer, I’ve seen her work on Amazon and other sites, but I’d never invested in any of her work, so I came across one of her ebooks and the cover captured me so of course I bought the book and was so happy I did. Anyway I went to Goodreads to rate the book and leave a comment and I saw a review on the book by another author. I was absolutely shocked at what she wrote. It was truly disturbing. Now giving a review whether it is good or bad is fine but this was down right insulting. She even called this writers ability to write into question. In my opinion it was very low class. The funny thing was two weeks prior to seeing her review I had just purchased my first book by her and it was very good, but after I read that review I don’t care how great her work is I will NEVER buy another book by her. Jealousy is an ugly spirit to possess. If we all just focus on what we need to do and stop looking in someone else’s window we will acheive our goals successfully whether it’s writing or whatever. Great article Stacy. It is something that needs to be addressed.
I am the same way, A.W. There have been many authors who I’ve lost respect for by seeing how they behaved online and I refuse to spend my money on supporting them. Some people can separate the writer from the person but if you do something that deeply offends me or I just think your attitude stinks then I surely won’t spend money on your books.
WOW SO REAL, HATERS SEEK KILL AND DESTROY BRIGHT WRITER REPUTATION, BUT CHRIST GIVE GIFTS TO THEE BRIGHT WRITER TO OVERCOME HATER TEMPTATION, YEA Wo’MON, YOU SEE THEE LIGHT, EXCELLENT WRITE.
Thanks, Valdez! Glad you stopped by!
I can understand where jealousy comes from, but I cannot really identify with jealous people. When I hear about other people’s success, even in areas in which I wish to be successful, it makes me feel happy. I feel encouraged in what I want to do because I see them doing it. Another person’s success is independent from my own, so it would be a waste of time to feel bad about it. Along with other works, I have been writing a novel series for over 9 years and I’ve only just started to look at what other new writers are doing. I see their successes as motivation that encourages me to finally get things done! v(^_^)
As a newbie, I agree. I haven’t experienced people jealous of me for my fame (haven’t got there yet); however, I do see a lot of unnecessary on FB. Writers should be writing, not bullying. I try to focus on me. Thanks for writing this article.
Reading this article a year later I still feel the saw way. In any business there will be ups and downs. I always says, ” Dreams aren’t always perfect, they come true but not free.” Krystol
Amen and very well put!